im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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