My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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