i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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