shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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