Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
