Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize