Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
