end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
