Tell her she can't have a vagina
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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