At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
