fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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