What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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