You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
