I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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