Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
