Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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