imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
