True but thats because hes a fetus.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
