the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
