I cannot find my penis.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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