just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
