I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
