I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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