the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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