We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
