No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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