I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
