I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
