I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
