i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
