dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
