Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
