I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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