Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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