you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he puts the penis in happiness.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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