You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
