Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
