When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
