hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
