I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
