HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
