giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
