I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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