mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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