I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
