It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.