i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive