I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i dont even know how to be here
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms