He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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