so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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