Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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