Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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