kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
