She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
