I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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