My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
