Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
