finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
