If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
