my vag is so smooth its legendary
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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