R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
