he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
