I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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