I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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