Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
