I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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