do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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