he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
