If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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