I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
