The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
that may or may not have been my penis.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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