Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
