Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
