actually, I'm a sock model
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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