first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
