Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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