WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
