You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
