Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
