i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
