I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
