Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
