he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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