I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
