I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
