Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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