He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
