found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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