Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
