her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize